Raavan Tanked (right in the backwaters of Hogenakkal shown in the film), Kites tanked (even the tank it tanked in, tanked), I Hate Luv Storys (Well, viewers chose to only see the word “Hate” ..period) tanked, Milenge Milenge (Haan yes… sometime somewhere “hit” milenge milenge… not now honey !!), Raajneeti (became Kootneeti and has gone onto become past tense as Raaj Nahi Thi), Prince (who??), …………….. Bollywood is in deep muck (just to maintain some decorum of the social forum, otherwise you know what word I had in mind).
So Mansukhbhai Hasmatbhai Patel, a new born Fillum financier, who is looking forward to lagao some of his “Kaala Dhun” in a fillum called “Tere Mere Bitch Mein Kaisa Hai yeh Bandhan Anjanaaa” (the last 2 extra “A”s added at the behest of the neighborhood fast flourishing Numerologist), is suddenly adorning a broad ishmile. Why ne? B’cos he has heard of PAUL the great, and he has booked an economy ticket to Germany just to pay our dear Oracle Uncle a visit. He intends to put a couple of boxes in the Tranquil surroundings of Paul boys abode – One with Flop written on it, the other Hit, also being a born TRANSFORMER (a term he proudly uses to describe himself to flaunt his numerous Profitable Business Tranformations), he wants to go one step further to entice the by now Superstar Pus. While the world knoes Paulie boys fetish for Mussels in these boxes, Our Patelbhai plants to put special generous dollops of Dhokla from Jamnagar in the HIT box and Thepla from Bharuch to entice our superhero. He is damn sure, that once the Dhokla lures Paul the Great… Pitchhherrr hit-itch hona, ne !!! And while he was putting this plan to final-Karo, his ever so potent Gujju Business mind kicked in and his “Parkhi Nazar (Nirma Super)” fell on the 8 limbs of our Ashtabhujadhari Champ. And he thought “Why use only two, when you can use the rest of 6 at the same cost”…. What an idea sirjee !!! So his Phinal call is hw is going to insert 8 boxes “SUPEREST DUPEREST HIT” “SUPER DUPER HIT” “SUPER HIT” “THODA BAHUT SUPER HIT” “THEEK THAAK HIT” “HIT” “OK” “SUICIDE” (Note the positive attitude that he has, he will never utter the word FLOP…mar jaaonga Kud Jaaoonga…..Mausiji…leking FLOP kabhi nahin).
Not only Patelbhai, all and sundry residing in various woods (Bolly, Tolly, Molly, Kolly, Sandal –Jeez !!!!@#$%%), are breathing a sigh of relief. While the world hallucinates with the various versions of Paul’s future escapades – some saying Paul will soon satisfy some German’s Gastronomical Itch, Some Say he will be inducted into the Spanish Royal family or as my friend Sachin Sinha said “Ashtabhujadhari Paul Baba, Spain mein Jal Samadhi lenge !!)…. Little do people know that Paul is heading right into our own Bharat and will be the Go To Man …I mean Being, for bailing out our Various-Wood Babas. A generous 20 Acres have been earmarked in FilmCity for Paul Baba’s den. Manish Malhotra has been assigned the task of Contemporarising (whatever), Baba’s outfits, Lalit Modi is looking after the Marketing of Baba’s time (apparently he has already got $6 Bn. Dollars from Won Chong Sea Food from Taipei, to be the sole provider of Mussels for next 3 years… more coming), Amitabh Bachchan will be the official Blog Writer for Baba, (Big B hasn’t missed a single day’s blog for the last 95 years …sacchi !!), ShahRukh Khan is roped in to Compere and Dance in every Bhavishyavani Session, Diya Mirza has been hired to stand and smile (which she is brilliant at), Farhan Akhtar is making a special Rock number (this time with the answers to the Uber- Intelligent questions asked in Rock-On, “aasman hai neela kyon, Paani geela geela kyon…”…And guess who gave the answers …Yesss BaaaBaaa…. “Paul”okh Niranjan), CNN IBN is the official English News Partner and INDIA TV the Hindi New Channel (But obvious, Aaj Paul Baba nahane gaye !!!)……Boy things are revving up fassst….Mumbai is brimming with activities to greet this AVATAAR. BTW …pssst…. Uddhav Thackeray separated from SS today and launched Paul Sena (Someone whispered “He has warned Germans against coming into Mumbai …”).
Meanwhile, it doesn’t end there…where there is a story there is INSPIRATION. Scripts are being churned on Paul’s story (like Ganne Ka Joos).
- Mahesh Bhatt : Paul Paul Dil Ke Paas (With Emraan Hashmi, and 8 kissing Scenes with the Octo)
- Karan Johar: Kuch Paul (Kking Kkhan saves Paul from Germans, and the final scene is he limping out with his the emotional SRK expression with Paul in his lap – munching on a mussel, and in the background the entire Germany standing a waving ……… with Hitler in the middle….. and Lataji’s awaaz floats in “aaa aaa aaaa aaaa Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghammmmm”).
- Anthony D’Souza (Arre wahi “BLUE” waala re): GREEN (With no story in particular, but some mindblowing camera sequences in the Green Water’s of the Aquarium – a kinda insider story from the aquarium, as to what happened when the Boxes were inserted ..and thrills and spills – literally, arre arechemedes re…).
Vishal Bahradwaj: PAULINE (A sequel to Kameeney). - Madhur Bhandarkar : AQUARIUM (Akin to his other names, PAGE 3, TRAFFIC SIGNAL, FASHION, JAIL etc.)
- RGV (Ek hi to hai): Bheegi “PAUL”ken (A real dark trip into the mind of the Octo-PLUS, while the world is rejoicing his predictions, whats he going through, How exploited does he feel, Is there a mental disintegration in progress, or is there a complete loss of identity …dekhna na bhooliye…..of course there will be a sequel to this “Thode Aur Bheegey PAULken”.
- Priyadarshan: “POULL”try Farm (Poor guy’s Mallu accent)…a Comedy based out of some village with 65 characters ….usual Akshay, Om puri, PAresh, Rajpal, Asrani… and the works… basically its based on a story when an Octopus lands up mysteriously in the Village Poultry Farm…and the rest is Situational !!!).
So, while the world is warming up to the idea of not hearing of Paul again, think again !!! This “Paul”itics has just begun, and a whole illustrious career and future awaits him in our Paullywood ….. “Paul”lu mein bandh ke rakehenge !!!
More Later !!
