JD for Indian Coach

Was reading http://www.cricketnext.com/news/coach-hunt-continues-for-asian-teams/24919-16.html and the same thought came back again to my mind - Who will be the next Coach of the Indian Cricket team. Coming from HR fraternity and fresh out of an initiative called Competency Based Inteviewing Certification Workshop for my senior managers, I started looking at this assignment (of hiring a Coach) from that perspective. It did turn out quite interesting.

Because, I strongly feel Greg Chappell failed in India because he never really was the right candidate for the job. And such glaring hiring mistakes can cost millions of dollars in new gen MNCs resulting into enormous heartburns and finally culminating into a higly expensive attrition or termination. (If you compare Greg's tenure, it was quite the same - Wasn't it?). So Is Indian Cricket or for that matter, any establishment different from the Corporate world...or a job of a cricket coach or forthat matter any job different? So while, we have strict Hiring Codes and Standards set for Corporate world , what does it take for us to replicate similar standards to Indian Cricket too....Well..I didnt have to search long to find the answer. It requires brains, intelligence, or far simply Common Sense.

Lets not get into BCCI bashing, because coutless websites, bloggers, ex-players, TV channels etc. are already earning their Wine and Bread writing and talking about that. Let me (for Free), write this piece purely from HR perspective of how to get the best candidate for the job.

Question 1: How do we ascertain as to who would be the best possible Candidate?
Answer: Simple. We need to put our requirements on paper and then go out searching for the person who has in the past exhibited enough behaviours which tally with the ones we have listed as requirements. (Didnt you know...PAST BEHAVIOUR IS THE BEST INDICATOR OF THE FUTURE BEHAVIOUR / PERFORMANCE..!!!).

That brings us to the million dollar question,
Question 2: So what are our requirements?
Answer: This is the toughest part of this article. I have been hearing so many reasons people crucified Greg which were never the reasons which got him the job. Like, he never understood Indian Psyche, ethos, culture, traditions, emotions, mindset, (and numerous such non cricketing aspects which are so important in India. Hence my job description document begins with them:

JD for Indian Cricket Coach:

1. Should be a thorough student of Indian Culture, Ethos, Tradition, Temperament, Politics
2. Should have exhibited behaviours of being lenient with Star Cricketers and being always overawed with their personalities
3. Should respect the start value of players and not drop the untouchable (read chosen) ones like Sachin, Sourav and Rahul.
4. Should not have great Media Handling skills as that might propel him to feel attracted to press conferences. Should avoid press conferences (Person hating Press wallahs would be preferred)
5. Should know how to use laptops (Because thats a symbol of being hi tech..and creates certain aura in the dressing room), but should be poor in Email Ettiquettes. (Zero knowledge or fear in writing emails would be most preferred)
6. Should not be a straight talker, as that is against Indian Ethos and sentiments. We dont like directness in our talking. (Person with specific examples of being consistently diplomatic would be preferred)
7. Should not like limelight (should have shown interest in sitting in the darkness of the back of the dressing room - that would be extremely preferable)
8. Should not try to teach Cricket to Star players (i.e. 13 out of 15 players in the team). That would be blasphemy. (Behaviours of being silent during practise sessions would be mostly sought)
9. Should not be a hard worker, (should have exhibited behaviours of being fun loving and relaxed) that adds a lot of peace to the atmosphere.
10. Should not demand sitting in the selelction committee, as that might require additional chairs, cups of tea and biscuits and can severely hamper BCCI budgets. (Behaviours of being happy with whatever team is given will be overtly welcome)
11. Should be a puppy dog or puppet (which ever is preferable - we are liberal in giving that choice) of the captain. (Behaviours: should have been a yes man to the captain int he past)
12. Should not have the habit of showing fingers, teeth or any othe rpart of his anatomy to Fans...as they may tend to get confused because of their lack of understanding (Behaviours preferred would be a polite namaste everytime being in the presence of Indian Fans

Optional Qualities:
1. Cricket knowledge
2. New Gen Cricket Strategy
3. Game plan
4. Vision for the game in India (LEast preferred - as we are having 1349876 visions in our vaults already).

Now the Jd looks perfect, and if we can as Shastri, Venkat, Gavaskar and Co., to devise specific behaviour sorting questions based on the above JD, I can assure you my fellow coutrymen, we will at least solve one of the many problems at hand - We will get a coach who will be the most adorable one.

As for winning, thats never been one of our KRAs ...was it !!!! See all it needed was a HR consultant to solve the crisis...and that too for free.

Let me now, go to buy my own bread and (wine's expensive...cant afford)... Duplicate Mineral Water !!!